This post was written in response to Writing 101: Serially Lost. As of now, this is a stand alone; however, I am trying to come up with two more parts to complete this short tale.
“I lost it. I can’t believe I lost it. Wolf is gonna bury me when he finds out.” The mousey haired boy chewed on what was left of his nails as he paced. “I’m gonna be underground. I’ll be so far I’ll never get out.”
The creak of a door seemed to underline the boy’s last few words. The boy jumped and started chewing faster.
“Relax Mouse. It’s just me.” An older version of the boy stood by the door. “Wolf sent me to check on you.”
Mouse’s eyes went wide and his breathing picked up. “N-n-n-nothing’s wrong. I’m f-f-f-fine.”
The older boy rolled his eyes. “Tell me another story. Maybe I’ll live that one.”
Mouse shook his head.
“If you don’t tell me, I’ll send Wolf up here. He’ll get it outta you.”
Mouse’s skin turned several shades whiter. “He’ll bury me. I lost it.”
“You’ll have to speak louder than that if you don’t want Wolf here.”
Mouse glared at his brother. “I said I lost it. Wolf will bury me when he finds out.”
“What did you lose that would send you underground? You know Wolf don’t care about most things.”
“He cares about this. I lost his knife. He gave it to me and I lost it. I needed to keep it safe.” Mouse put his hand back up to his mouth and resumed his chewing. “He’s gonna bury me.”
“He ain’t gonna bury you. If he was he woulda done it years ago the first time you lost something.” The older boy placed a hand on Mouse’s shoulder. “Now come on. We gotta tell Wolf before he finds out by himself.”
Mouse swallowed hard but followed his brother out of the room.
Well done; I can see several directions you can take this. Choose the least obvious one, add a twist and press on:-)
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I like that idea. My plan was to roll a die and see which idea it landed on but I think your plan is better. 🙂
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Cannot wait!
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Emotionally charged with fear and apprehension. Kept my interest and I am feeling sorry for the little boy. I am looking forward to reading more!
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Thank you so much for the kind words. I’m very glad I was able to evoke such emotions. 🙂
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Very tense, can’t wait to read the next one
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Thank you. 🙂
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I think there needs to be some reason that a) Mouse keeps losing things, and b) the knife is more than just a knife. I agree with Quattrohands that you should choose the more interesting possibilities over the most obvious.
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I never thought to have a reason behind Mouse always losing things though I do have a story behind the knife. I will try to keep it interesting for you. 🙂
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