Round about the pond
Puddles always near
Sit on little stumps
Noises do I hear
Birds go flying by
Resting in the green
Bits of colour all around
There’s magic to be seen
Round about the pond
Puddles always near
Sit on little stumps
Noises do I hear
Birds go flying by
Resting in the green
Bits of colour all around
There’s magic to be seen
Very nice, only you force the grammar in “Noises do I hear” to fit your rhyme, and you need to lose a syllable in “bits of colour all around.” But, like I said, very nice. If you clear those two issues, I believe you could get this published.
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Thank you so much for your kind words. I will admit that I’ve tried to fix the last two lines to omit the extra syllables without any luck. Every attempt I’ve made seems out-of-place and awkward when combined with the rest of the poem.
The strange grammar was done on purpose though I admit it could have been done better. I was attempting to evoke a childlike wonder where things are happening around you rather than to you. Like I said, it could have been done better and the next time I go through this poem I will probably fix it.
Again, thank you very much for your comment. I always appreciate your thoughts and insight into the confusing world of grammar. 🙂
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